Wouln't You Know It?

You would. I know you would.

I could probably tell you all I have learned over the last two weeks and you, if you could understand as I have would, no doubt, look at me and say, "So what?"

Mom

All Is Well

No matter what, kiddo, All really is well.

Your dad and I used to refer to some people as "shiny happy people." The people who never had to beg for scrubs at TCH or mop up blood in the public restroom or drive you downtown wondering each moment if you were choking or not. I was so scared. You were so fragile and there was no protocol to follow for you. We wanted desperately to be one of the shiny happy people, but it was not to be.

You are unique and we actually have proof!

Every time I see you, I am amazed at how you keep trying and keep trying and seem to have no fear of what could happen to you. You abound with joy and love and want to share it with other people regardless of who they seem to be. You seem to know when they need it. If I hadn't given birth to you myself and wasn't familiar with every hair on your head, I would swear you were an angel. At least you are mine. I love the soft touch of your skin and your crazy hair and the way you grin. I am almost sad to see how that little grin might change with all the teeth you've been losing lately.

I took Squib to his Speech eval today. It was interesting and, just as I thought, he is behind pretty much globally. What an irony that I was discouraged over the results yet he can out talk you in two seconds flat. He is frustrated in a way that you used to be and I imagine can still be at school, but I worry, Beanstalk. Is he as resilient as you? He's so emotional, yet has no language to express it. It's funny, but I used to hope he would always look out for you, but now I find myself wishing you were around to look after him. To communicate to him as only you can that All is WELL.

It is hard to trust God with you, but He, of course, seems to be doing a wonderful job. I trust Him explicitly and so should you, but as always it is your decision in whom to place your trust.

I love and miss you, but will see you soon!

Happy Pizza-Eating,

Mommy

Hey, Big Man!!

I started thinking of you today in the very early hours of the morning. I was only barely awake. I've been trying to scrape together a Halloween costume that your little brother, Squib, will actually wear. He's announced to me that Handy Manny or Bob the Builder would be "cool." So, I've mined his collection of button-down shirts for plaid work shirts and denim shorts/pants. I've gathered some 4-year-old sized tools and he can carry them around somehow. There's the rub. I don't have a tool box like Handy Manny. Time for Mommy to get creative, huh?

So what are you going to be? Do you know yet? Of course, there's no law that says you have to dress up as anything. I thought you were just the cutest thing ever when you were Wags the dog from the Wiggles. You're so tall, though!!! If you grow to be as tall as Poppa, you're going to have to be the Eiffel tower one day. You know....if he'd agree to be the Empire State Building, you'd make a cute little King Kong :).

You'd be a perfect wizard with a tall pointy hat or a magician like Harry Potter (only you're way better than Harry) We'll just see!!

It was nice to buy clothes for you yesterday. I have so missed doing that! There were so very many things that I wanted to get, but I restrained myself. When I get to see you more often and you visit with me here, then we can go nuts in the store together buying clothes and pajamas that you can keep here. That will make for a fun day!!!

I have a friend named Laura. She's a little younger than me and her son Bobby has a lot of the same challenges that you do. Guess what? Just like you, he spent time this summer in day programs and with other kids and they found out that he needs to be in a higher grade! Today is his first day in a new class! Bobby is, of course, going to have to work hard, but he's like you and is very caring and loving and loves to go to school and work hard. So, you see, little one, there are others out there like you who are making their way in this world. I've never had any doubts about you. You've been a fighter from day one. Quietly persevering without even so much as a struggle (except during physical therapy)....you will go far because you know of things that few ever learn or experience.

But remember this...I will always be more proud of you than of any other little boy or girl in the world no matter what you do!!! Well, you AND Squib.

We have seen Lydia and Joseph for the last time and that is so sad, is it not? I guess I understand their choice and their commitment to have their relationship on their own terms. I just don't think I could ever make the choice Lydia made. Or Joseph for that matter. But, then, we don't have all the facts, do we? And until we do, we will just keep them in our prayers even if that means we pray for them for seven years or more!

Life was never meant to be this way, little one. There are many days I wish I stuck it out with your Daddy and did the hard work it would have taken to stay together. But your Daddy has grown into a mature, unique man and he's a neat guy. I'm glad you have a Poppa like him. My growing up took longer,maybe--hard to say, but I'm doing it, too. And we 100% agree on one thing. We love you.

There's nothing in the world like you, Beanstalk.

Mama